Kids behavioral

How Kids Misuse the Situation During and After Divorce

Disclaimer: Long post, lets educate ourselves. Please ignore if you already know or don’t fall in this category 🙏.

1. Playing Parents Against Each Other

• Kids realize that mom and dad are no longer on the same page.

• They might say things like:

• “Mom lets me do it.”

• “Dad said it’s fine.”

• “You’re stricter than the other parent.”

• Result: Each parent tries to be the “good one,” leading to inconsistent discipline and more manipulation.

Example:

A 10-year-old asks dad for a video game after mom already said no. Since communication is weak, dad says yes to avoid conflict or guilt — the child learns this pattern works.

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2. Emotional Manipulation

• Kids may use sadness, guilt, or tears to get what they want.

• They know both parents feel emotionally fragile, so they exaggerate pain to get:

• Extra gifts or treats

• Relaxed rules

• Attention or sympathy

Example:

“I miss you so much, Mom — can you buy me a new toy so I don’t feel sad anymore?”

This sounds innocent but becomes a learned behavior pattern.

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3. Taking Advantage of Parental Guilt

Many divorced parents overcompensate with:

• Expensive gifts

• Lax discipline

• Excessive leniency

Kids sense this and push boundaries.

They might say things like:

“You’re the reason our family broke, you should let me do this.”

Result: short-term peace, long-term behavior problems.

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4. Avoiding Responsibility

Kids sometimes use divorce as an excuse:

• “I can’t focus on homework because of what’s happening.”

• “I’m too sad to go to school.”

While emotional distress is real, sometimes kids milk the sympathy to escape accountability.

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5. Testing Rules Between Two Homes

When parents share custody (50/50 or joint):

• Rules vary between homes.

• Kids pick the “easier” home or start bending truth.

• “Dad said I can stay up late.”

• “Mom said I don’t have to do chores.”

This causes chaos and power struggles between parents.

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6. Using Divorce as Social Power

Older kids or teens may use divorce as a social shield:

• To justify poor behavior (“You don’t know what I’m going through”).

• To gain sympathy from teachers, coaches, or friends.

• Sometimes even to guilt extended family.

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7. Seeking Control Through Rebellion

When kids feel powerless (common after divorce), they may rebel to regain control:

• Ignoring instructions

• Skipping school

• Hanging with wrong friends

• Refusing to visit one parent

It’s their way of saying, “You can’t control everything in my life.”

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💡 Why They Do It

• Divorce shakes their sense of security and control.

• Kids act out or manipulate not to hurt — but to cope or restore balance.

• Their logic: “If I can control mom/dad or get what I want, I’ll feel safe again.”

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❤️ How Parents Can Handle It

1. Stay United in Parenting

• Even if you’re divorced, have shared rules: bedtime, screen time, chores.

• Always confirm decisions with the other parent when possible.

2. Don’t Overcompensate

• Love and time matter more than gifts or leniency.

3. Call Out Manipulation Calmly

• “I understand you’re upset, but trying to play us against each other isn’t okay.”

4. Provide Emotional Safety

• Encourage open talk about feelings.

• Reassure: “Mom and Dad both love you, even if we live apart.”

5. Seek Neutral Support

• Family counselor or school psychologist can help if manipulation becomes toxic or emotional imbalance grows.