One of the most effective parenting tools we use in our home is something we call “Tribal Council.”
Over the years, our circle has included our own kids, their friends, foster kids, foreign exchange students, and just about any teenager who happens to be at our house that night. If you’re in the home, you’re on the team. We try to hold Tribal Council once a week.
The purpose is simple: to reinforce that we are a team and a family, regardless of blood connection. We want the kids to know we are watching out for them, just as we expect them to watch out for us.
We sit in a circle and everyone answers the first question:
How was your week?
From there, we move into questions like:
• What did you accomplish this week?
• What are you looking forward to next week?
• Is there an area where you’re struggling?
(This is where grades, bullying, or other concerns can come up naturally.)
• What can you do next week to improve?
• Any new friends or relationships?
• Anything exciting happening?
After check-ins, we usually cover one life lesson. These are discussions, not lectures.
Some example lessons:
• How to introduce yourself properly
Handshake, eye contact, repeating the person’s name, confident posture.
• How to get a job
Dress well. Give a firm handshake. Make eye contact. Ask thoughtful questions about the company. Clearly say you want the job. Follow up afterward.
• Dating and relationships
What are you worth?
What are you looking for in a friend or partner?
Recognizing healthy and unhealthy behaviors.
Setting boundaries.
How to exit a relationship respectfully.
• Handling drama
Why do people start drama?
Should you participate or move on?
What does being offended actually mean?
Who controls your emotions?
How should you respond to insults?
There are countless topics you can cover. The key is creating a safe environment where everyone speaks and everyone listens. When it feels like a discussion instead of a preaching session, communication opens up and relationships grow stronger.
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